True Grit or not true grit

 True Grit or Not True Grit?

How to raise a growth-minded child

    Although, that is the question, sometimes it is hard to answer. Especially if we don't understand what true grit is. Or when we have no idea what a growth mindset is. According to a panel of professors grit is when we have self-control and the ability to regulate emotions and thoughts. Children with a growth mindset have more grit. Some traits that they talked about that people that have grit have are the power of persistence, deliberate practice, effort, curiosity, self control and a growth mindset.

    Grit is important for our children to have so that they don't give up easily on things that push them or are hard. When children have grit, they can keep pushing through those things that challenge them and they can make themselves keep going and learn from those things that are hard and learn that they can do hard things. This will lead to perseverance, which will lead to having a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed mindset. 




    What is a growth mindset and a fixed mindset? According to Harvard Business School, someone with a growth mindset views intelligence, abilities, and talents as learnable and capable of improvement through effort. On the other hand, someone with a fixed mindset views those same traits as inherently stable and unchangeable over time. People that have a growth mindset know that if they aren't born with a talent, such as playing basketball, that they can put effort in and keep trying and learning and practicing, and one day develop that talent. Those with a fixed mindset feel that if they weren't born with that talent, they might as well not even try because they aren't good at it, and never will be.

    Unfortunately, a growth mindset is not something that we are either born with or not. It is something that needs to be taught and developed. When we are trying to teach this to our children, there are many things that we need to remember not to do, or it will hurt the process more than help it. According to Dr. Haim G. Ginott, here are seven things that are self-defeating to teaching our kids...

  1. Threats
  2. Bribes
  3. Promises
  4. Sarcasm
  5. Verbal overkill
  6. Sermon on lying and stealing
  7. Rude teaching of politeness

     For a lot of parents, these things are easier to do when we teach our children or try to get them to do something. Especially threats, bribes, or promises. When we use these things to teach our children or try to get them to do something, it is not a long lasting solution. 

      There are several ways of doing these things. One way to bribe or promise is the "if-then" rule. Here is are a few examples...

“If you are nice to your baby brother, then I’ll take you to the movies. ”

 “If you stop wetting your bed, then I’ll get you a bicycle for Christmas.” 

“If you learn the poem, then I’ll take you sailing.”

    Another way of bribing is offering rewards for doing things. Like paying our kids when they do something that you ask them to do, when they should already be doing this anyway. For example, "I really need you to calm down so I can finish shopping. I'll pay you $5 for calming down the rest of the time we are shopping." This also goes along with promises. When we tell our child that we will give them ice cream if they go pull some weeds. A better way of handling the situation would be to ask your child for help pulling the weeds. Then when you are done, if you feel like they deserve it, ask them if they would like to go get ice cream because you feel like they deserve it for helping so well. 

    When someone has a fixed mindset, bribing them to do something will not help them to get a growth mindset. It will only make it worse. Along with the, the way that we praise our children really needs to be looked at. If we praise our children by saying that they are so talented and did a great job at painting a picture, the next time, if they don't feel like the picture they painted is up to the bar that you set with the last one, they decide to just not try. They give up and decide that they aren't good at painting and don't want to try anymore. Whereas if they have a growth mindset, and you compliment then saying something like, "Wow, I can really tell you worked hard at learning how to paint that." Then the next time that they are supposed to paint something, they will try hard to learn something new and see how it turns out. Not putting their faith in their talent and wanting to just give up. 

    This all boils down to helping our children look outside of themselves, teaching them to have confidence, to not give up, to keep trying, that they can do hard things, have a growth mindset, and to do thing because they are supposed to and not because of the reward they will get. 


Resources:

Ginott, D. H. G., Ginott, D. A., Goddard, D. H. W. (2003). Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication. United Kingdom: Harmony/Rodale.

2022, March 10. Growth Mindset VS. Fixed Mind: What's the difference? Harvard Business School Online. Retrieved October 21, 2023, from https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/growth-mindset-vs-fixed-mindset

2012, September 24. True Grit, Can You Teach Children Character. NBC News Education Nation. https://cdnapisec.kaltura.com/html5/html5lib/v2.101/mwEmbedFrame.php/p/1157612/uiconf_id/42438262/entry_id/1_dkz2so0q?wid=_1157612&iframeembed=true&playerId=kaltura_player_1670527566&entry_id=1_dkz2so0q 



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